7 ways to ruin your marriage - Pornography July 23rd, 2008

I can’t think of a faster track to divorce than pornography.
If you don’t believe me why do you hide it from your spouse?
Some stats just to understand how big the problem is.
In 2006

Every second - 3,075.64 is being spent on pornography.
Every second - 28,258 Internet users are viewing pornography.
Every second - 372 Internet users are typing adult search terms into search engines.
Every 39 minutes: a new pornographic video is being created in the United States.

Not enough how about this in the
US 13 billion dollars were spent on pornographic material.
China 27 billion
South Korea 25 billion

You can read more about it here.

OK so how does that effect my marriage? Simple your are being physical and emotional aroused by someone that is not your spouse.
This is what can happen.

1 You don’t want to spend time with your family. Because your to busy thinking about porn.

2 Not interested in having sex with your spouse. Kind of stupid really, pretend to have sex with someone on your computer screen and turn down the real thing.

3 Somehow you blame your spouse for the problem. What! You’re the one looking at the porn, and you blame you spouse?

4 You start telling lies to cover up what you’re really doing. OK Lets all agree that telling lies is not a good foundation for a strong marriage.

5 Time on the computer is getting the point that you neglect your responsibility. Where is your brain? This cannot be a good thing.

Here is a complete list of what can happen.

Feel lousy yet? Even so, wait before you go look for more porn to cover up your guilt….
THERE IS HOPE! You can fix the problem and have a great relationship with your spouse. A few simple steps (simple does not always mean easy).

step one
You must admit you have a problem. I will say it again YOU have a problem. Not your spouse not your children, not your parents. However you got to this point in your life you have to own up to the fact that the problem is yours.

Step 2
OK so what next. Surrender your life to Christ. You might have heard it before but no true healing can start without first starting at the feet of Christ. For those of
you who just thought “but I am already born again” GREAT, now it is time to surrender your life and all that is means to you Put Christ first. Read the bible… try the book of James see if God is telling you view porn.

Step 3
You Have to tell your spouse. I don’t believe that you can really have forgiveness without first confessing the sin. The healing can be beautiful thing but you must take the primary step and tell your spouse about your problem. Remember what it was like before all the porn? Enjoying the spouse and family. No more sneaking around or explaining away those money problems. Be free in Christ and have forgiveness.

Step 4
Find a mature friend that can keep you accountable and won’t tell you what you want to hear but what you need to hear. You don’t even have to really enjoy being around this person but someone you respect and would listen to the advice that is given.

Step 5
Get a LIFE. Find things to do with your wife and family. Hobbies, sports, like interest
and just being around each other. Life can be fulfilling when your center is Christ and you are more interested in other people than yourself.

Step 6 Walk away
Stand up and walk away from the computer. Friends and coworkers talking about what they saw on the Internet. Walk away. Walking in the opposite direction is a good place to start, but you must also feel you mind with good things to get rid of the bad. Read the bible. Laugh with your family. Eat with your family. Take a long walk and talk to God.

This can heal, there is hope. Take a few simple steps and change your life and transform your marriage.

Some resources I used for this post.
http://www.pureintimacy.org
http://marriageandfamilies.byu.edu

Please leave some comments if you have any questions or points of view.

Andy

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